Dips!

Tis that time of year again.... when the loonybirds gather together, take off most of their clothing, and then jump into ice-cold water - for no apparent reason. This action attracts large crowds of more crazies, who gather to watch the lunacy - also for no apparent reason.

Polar bear plunges, they call them. Many are done for charity, and I believe these 'plunges' raised over $2 million for charity last year? Okay... but aren't there more sane ways to raise money?

The Green Bay Press-Gazette recently did a story on area plunges, and had a nice little group of photos showing the whack jobs. I didn't plan to browse the gallery, but one photo did catch my eye.

A man in Idaho is arrested for second-degree murder when his daughter dies of hypothermia. Child protective services is called when a kid is found wandering around the neighborhood without a coat. But apparently it's perfectly acceptable to purposely undress your kids and drag them into freezing water?

I don't think so!

dumb people and other funny strangers... continued

It seems that I got sidetracked with my other ramblings. I didn't really intend to carry on so much about Walgreen's... my intention was to talk about dumb people, and my conversations with Sandy.

When I told Sandy about my experience at Walgreen's, we were talking about why people were so dumb these days. Cell phones? Living to close to power lines? Dropped on their head when they were babies? I really don't understand it at all.

Anyway....... Sandy was telling me how she had just bought a motorcycle. She said she had gone into the DMV to register the bike, and when it was all over with, evidently they handed her all kinds of paperwork "to carry with her at all times." Sandy looked at the mountain of paperwork, looked at the girl behind the counter and said, "I guess I'll just put all of these in the glove compartment." The DMV clerk replied, "Yes, that's a great idea. That's where most people put the paperwork." !?!?!?!?

The other evening I headed over to MACDonald's (the way it's pronounced by many, here). I ordered a Southwest chicken sandwich meal, large, with a diet Coke, and an extra chicken sandwich. In the 5 years that I have been going there, while their service usually stinks, and while I sometimes have to book a motel room while waiting for the food, there had never been any communication problems with their speaker box. Yet on this particular visit, the girl behind the box says, "Okay, that was one chicken sandwich, a Coke, and an extra chicken beverage? I replied, "ONE Southwest chicken sandwich meal, LARGE, with a diet Coke, and an extra chicken sandwich." "Okay... that was one Southwest chicken sandwich meal, with a large diet Coke and an extra chicken beverage?"

What the hell? What exactly IS a chicken beverage to begin with? Wouldn't that be soup? They they don't serve soup. Even if there was such a thing as a chicken beverage, since she eventually got the first part of the order correct, she would know that I hadn't asked for a chicken beverage to begin with. So why would I be asking for an extra one? SHEESH! I wanted to pull around to the window, grab her by the ears and shake her until she turned into a chicken beverage. BUT - these kinds of things are so ridiculous that all you can really do is laugh... and I'm grateful that she added a little humor to an otherwise 'annoying as hell' visit to Mickey D's.

Usually the humor at McDonald's comes from the vehicle ahead of me. One morning a woman asked for an Egg McMuffin - without egg, cheese, meat or anything else in it. Um, isn't that bread? At the most, it's a plain muffin. Another time someone asked for unsweet tea - with sugar. Yet another time, an obviously frazzled woman was ordering for a carload. She managed to get in "one happy meal for a girl", "two happy meals for boys" - and of course each had their special needs - without pickles, extra catsup, etc.... When she finally got to the 'big people' food, she ordered 2 quarter pounders with cheese - one for a guy, and one for a girl. ?!?!? Maybe they put special vitamins or hormones in the burgers, depending on which sex you happen to be?

It's like I often say, truth is always more humorous than fiction.

dumb people and other funny strangers

Evidently I had been planning to blog a bit about dumb people, because when I went to check my photo files for something to accompany the post (posts seem naked without an image, for some reason), I found several "dumb people" images. Good! That will save time the next time I complain about stupidity on the planet.

My friend Sandy and I (or Sandra, for those of you in the world of International Business) were discussing dumb people via email. I had to tell her about the elderly couple I encountered on a recent trip to Walgreen's, who were telling the cashier - and anyone else that didn't even want to listen - that Russia had invaded Georgia; and that the 'Georgia' being invaded was the state above Florida. (!!!)

There was another elderly woman nearby, and it was apparent to me that she never left the house without her manners (obviously her lifestyle wasn't hectic; I often leave my manners behind. I'm sure some reading can understand that!). Anyway, this woman tried to explain the reality of the situation, but Mr. & Mrs. American Gothic (that's who they reminded me of - you know, the painting?) - would have no part of it. Russia was indeed on U.S. soil, and it would be just a matter of days (hours?) before we would see the hammer & sickle atop the castle at Disney.

While I felt some sympathy for this sweet couple, I couldn't help but laugh out loud. When the news story first broke, I'm sure that to a handful of people, a thought like this momentarily crossed their minds. But here were two people who actually believed that Russia had entered the state that gives us peaches, pecans & peanuts - and the Okefenokee Swamp. I believe the state was named after King George II..... maybe there's some unfinished business there? Maybe they were there to steal Vidalia onions? (apparently Vidalia onions can only be grown in Jawja).

At least the humor made me forget that just minutes earlier, I had knocked a box of tampons off the shelf while racing through the store to find whatever it was I went there for. (ammo, maybe, to defend myself against the Soviets). There's a clerk at Walgreen's who -in the five years she's been there - has evidently taken home everything sold in the store - and researched it thoroughly - so that she's able to provide info. on each and every product; and answer every question about a product- even those questions you wouldn't think to ask. She also has some magic powers, because no matter where you are in the store, no matter how hard you try and hide from her, she's never any further away from you than a whisper.

This clerk saw me knock the tampons off the shelf, and while I was picking them up (I should have taken off running like any responsible adult) - she was there immediately, asking if I needed help with anything. "Um, no. I heard that these were good for nose bleeds, so I thought I would try them." "OH! Well I don't know about that. Let's see if we can't find a better solution for you. Nose bleeds are quite bothersome. Do you have them often? Have you seen a doctor? They could be a sign of something serious. Have they ruined your clothing? You know, aisle 3 has something that works perfectly for removing blood stains from fabric." !!!! "No ma'am. I'm fine. Really. I'll just put these back. I have to go find a card for my aunt now." "Oh how sweet. What's the occasion? What age is your aunt? What kind of personality does she have? You know I stock the greeting cards so I should be able to find just what you're looking for. Have you seen the new musical cards we have now? Or the cards where you can record your own message? That might be a real treat for her!" Yeah... THAT card would be a treat. I'd hit the 'record' button and let the clerk ramble on until recording time on the card ran out. My aunt would love that. And even if she didn't enjoy it, I know I would. ;-)

Fortunately I was rescued by the call of the manager, who needed the clerk up front. I had miraculously remembered everything that I stopped at the store for - and even picked up a few things I have no use for. As I was making my way to the cashier, Harriet Helpful saw me and shouted, "Did you find something for your nose bleeds, dear?" I tried to be invisible, but knew that if I didn't acknowledge her, she'd come running over to offer more help. I mumbled, "Yes I did, thanks!" - and waved my right hand at her, which was holding a bag of fun-sized Snickers.


Evidently, she thought I was going home to stuff Snickers up my nose. Her face screwed up like she had just taken a big gulp of the bitter iced tea that came from the store's newly-installed 'refreshment center", and her mouth opened as she attempted to offer some more friendly advice. Fortunately, the manager called her again, and I was able to safely make it to the check-out counter, where there was an interesting discussion taking place about the invasion of the U.S. by Russians.

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a......desk???

My pal Jason sent me this... an ad from craigslistmilwaukee - for a "free desk". The description reads (in case the link doesn't work) - "Looks like new, but unstable." As Jason says (and we're all thinking) - damn right it's unstable! It's a shelf missing a piece and tipped on it's side. Oh those crazy cheeseheads!

It does look a lot like some of the "furniture" they build on those budget decorating shows on HGTV, though.

Wherever we gooooo..............

Also from the Appleton Post-Crescent -

ABBOTSFORD, WI -- Two Dorchester men were arrested for operating the same vehicle while intoxicated in the Abbotsford area.

Harvey Miller, 43, who has no legs, was steering the 1985 Chevrolet truck from the driver's seat while Edwin Marzinske, 55, operated the brake and gas pedals, according to a Colby/Abbotsford Police report.

Wherever we go... whatever we do.... we'll always go through it togeeeeether.......

Update: Since the link to the story no longer works, here's a summary. I still think it's a funny story....

Marshfield News-Herald

Two Dorchester men were arrested for operating the same vehicle while intoxicated in the Colby-Abbotsford area.

Harvey J. Miller, 43, who has no legs, was steering the 1985 Chevrolet truck from the driver’s seat while Edwin H. Marzinske, 55, operated the break and gas pedals, according to the police report.

They were headed northbound on Hiline Avenue in Abbotsford when police pulled them over at 2:40 a.m. Saturday, Aug. 18.

Miller admitted he was too drunk to drive but argued he wasn’t operating the vehicle because he couldn’t push the pedals. Miller was issued a citation for a third drunk driving offense, while Marzinske was cited for a second. Both men were also cited for operating after revocation.

A third drunk man in the vehicle walked himself home after the incident.

The August 31st edition of the Appleton Post-Crescent reports that a Wisconsin woman has petitioned the court to change her last name to bin Laden.

Called at her home, Burke, when asked about the name change, said, "I don't have to explain that to a reporter. It is really none of your business. At this point, it is a private matter."

I've thought about it awhile, but can't seem to come up with any logical explanation as to why anyone would want to do this. Obviously the wheel is spinning, but the hamster is dead.

Sorry...... couldn't resist. But I couldn't come up with anything more creative at the moment.