Evidently I had been planning to blog a bit about dumb people, because when I went to check my photo files for something to accompany the post (posts seem naked without an image, for some reason), I found several "dumb people" images. Good! That will save time the next time I complain about stupidity on the planet.
My friend Sandy and I (or Sandra, for those of you in the world of International Business) were discussing dumb people via email. I had to tell her about the elderly couple I encountered on a recent trip to Walgreen's, who were telling the cashier - and anyone else that didn't even want to listen - that Russia had invaded Georgia; and that the 'Georgia' being invaded was the state above Florida. (!!!)
There was another elderly woman nearby, and it was apparent to me that she never left the house without her manners (obviously her lifestyle wasn't hectic; I often leave my manners behind. I'm sure some reading can understand that!). Anyway, this woman tried to explain the reality of the situation, but Mr. & Mrs. American Gothic (that's who they reminded me of - you know, the painting?) - would have no part of it. Russia was indeed on U.S. soil, and it would be just a matter of days (hours?) before we would see the hammer & sickle atop the castle at Disney.
While I felt some sympathy for this sweet couple, I couldn't help but laugh out loud. When the news story first broke, I'm sure that to a handful of people, a thought like this momentarily crossed their minds. But here were two people who actually believed that Russia had entered the state that gives us peaches, pecans & peanuts - and the Okefenokee Swamp. I believe the state was named after King George II..... maybe there's some unfinished business there? Maybe they were there to steal Vidalia onions? (apparently Vidalia onions can only be grown in Jawja).
At least the humor made me forget that just minutes earlier, I had knocked a box of tampons off the shelf while racing through the store to find whatever it was I went there for. (ammo, maybe, to defend myself against the Soviets). There's a clerk at Walgreen's who -in the five years she's been there - has evidently taken home everything sold in the store - and researched it thoroughly - so that she's able to provide info. on each and every product; and answer every question about a product- even those questions you wouldn't think to ask. She also has some magic powers, because no matter where you are in the store, no matter how hard you try and hide from her, she's never any further away from you than a whisper.
This clerk saw me knock the tampons off the shelf, and while I was picking them up (I should have taken off running like any responsible adult) - she was there immediately, asking if I needed help with anything. "Um, no. I heard that these were good for nose bleeds, so I thought I would try them." "OH! Well I don't know about that. Let's see if we can't find a better solution for you. Nose bleeds are quite bothersome. Do you have them often? Have you seen a doctor? They could be a sign of something serious. Have they ruined your clothing? You know, aisle 3 has something that works perfectly for removing blood stains from fabric." !!!! "No ma'am. I'm fine. Really. I'll just put these back. I have to go find a card for my aunt now." "Oh how sweet. What's the occasion? What age is your aunt? What kind of personality does she have? You know I stock the greeting cards so I should be able to find just what you're looking for. Have you seen the new musical cards we have now? Or the cards where you can record your own message? That might be a real treat for her!" Yeah... THAT card would be a treat. I'd hit the 'record' button and let the clerk ramble on until recording time on the card ran out. My aunt would love that. And even if she didn't enjoy it, I know I would. ;-)
Fortunately I was rescued by the call of the manager, who needed the clerk up front. I had miraculously remembered everything that I stopped at the store for - and even picked up a few things I have no use for. As I was making my way to the cashier, Harriet Helpful saw me and shouted, "Did you find something for your nose bleeds, dear?" I tried to be invisible, but knew that if I didn't acknowledge her, she'd come running over to offer more help. I mumbled, "Yes I did, thanks!" - and waved my right hand at her, which was holding a bag of fun-sized Snickers.
Evidently, she thought I was going home to stuff Snickers up my nose. Her face screwed up like she had just taken a big gulp of the bitter iced tea that came from the store's newly-installed 'refreshment center", and her mouth opened as she attempted to offer some more friendly advice. Fortunately, the manager called her again, and I was able to safely make it to the check-out counter, where there was an interesting discussion taking place about the invasion of the U.S. by Russians.
No comments:
Post a Comment