Well, it's that time of year again... the dreaded "snowbird" season.
Tis the time of year when all those Q-tips and moss backs load up their RV's and Lincolns, sedans & mini-vans - and start heading south into Florida.
From mid-September until June, the roads are inundated with these pesky lil critters. They make a mess out of traffic... they extend the wait time at your favorite restaurant by at least three days or so, they crowd the movie theaters and bowling alleys, they spread their germs everywhere (I'm convinced we wouldn't have a "cold & flu season" here in Florida if we didn't have snowbirds) - AND - they start to call the house.
By some annoying coincidence (or maybe God with a twisted sense of humor), the telephone number for the local Target Pharmacy is VERY similar to our home phone number. So we get calls...and calls, and more calls.
"Hello."
"Hello. Is this Target Pharmacy?"
"No sir. It isn't."
"Oh. Well then why did I call you?" CLICK
* * * * * *
"Hello".
"Yes, Target Pharmacy? I need to put in an order for my pills."
"I'm sorry ma'am. You've reached a private residence."
"Ohhhhh my goodness gracious! How on earth did I do that? You mean this isn't Target?"
"No ma'am. This is someone's home. I think you dialed the wrong number."
"Oh. Well my goodness! Do you have their number?" (we do now, but didn't originally have it).
"No ma'am. I don't have the number for Target Pharmacy. Maybe you can try directory assistance."
"I guess I can try that, but are you sure you don't have the number? Why don't you have their number?"
"Well, we don't have the number because we don't have a need to call Target Pharmacy. We shop Walgreens or CVS".
"Ohhhh... Well maybe I should go to Walgreens, too. You know they always have such good sales, and they always have those good coupons and the flyer in the Sunday paper. Do you think I should go there?"
"Well, we like them, but that's entirely your choice, of course."
"You know my daughter gets her prescriptions filled at Walgreen's. I think my daughter-in-law does, too. I think all my children go to Walgreen's. Maybe I should start going there. Then if I can't make it for some reason, one of my kids..."
"Ma'am, I hate to cut this short, but I need to go."
"Oh okay. So you don't have the number for Target Pharmacy?"
"No ma'am."
"Well, do you know where I can find it?"
"I don't know ma'am. Try the phone book. Maybe it's on your prescription bottle. Try directory assistance."
"But that's such a -I don't want to go through all that rigamaroll".
"I understand, ma'am. Well maybe you can just call Target Pharmacy yourself and ask them for the number." (insert devil horns here... hehe)
"Yes I could do that! Thank you very much for your help!"
"You're welcome ma'am. Have a nice day!"
* * * * *
Sometimes we leave the answering machine on. We often get "beeping" (someone trying to fax Target Pharmacy), or, we get people who just leave their entire prescription order on our voice mail. Other times, the message is from a doctor's office or the Mayo Clinic (in Jacksonville, FL I believe), calling in a prescription. There's a scary thought. You put your life and your medical history in someone's hands, and you trust they'll provide top-notch care. And here they are, leaving messages about prescriptions on a residential answering machine.
Mind you, there is nothing on our voice mail greeting that would give someone the slightest impression that they were calling Target, but they leave their prescription orders anyway. Although I've never followed through with the idea, there have been a few times when I've wanted to call the person back, pretend to be a pharmacist, tell them their prescription is ready, and let them know that they can stop by and pick it up.
The other day a very nice-sounding older gentleman called and left a voice message - again with a complete order prescription. When I got the message, I called back to let them know they had reached the wrong number. I talked to the man's wife.
"Hello?"
"Yes?"
"Someone just called here and left an order for a prescription on our voice mail. I think they were trying to reach Target Pharmacy..."
"Yes?"
"...but this isn't Target Pharmacy. This is a private residence."
"Is the prescription ready?"
"No. Ma'am, your husband called a private residence and left his message on a private answering machine. He did not call Target Pharmacy."
"Oh I see. Can you fill the prescription?"
"No ma'am. I can't. This is someone's home, not a pharmacy."
"Yes I heard you. But I don't understand why you can't fill the prescription."
"Okay, ma'am? I can't fill your prescription because this isn't a pharmacy. This is a private home. I can give you the number for Target, and then you need to call them and order your prescription."
"I don't need the number for Target. I have the number. I don't understand why you can't fill the prescription. Are you young? You sound young. Young people these days are such a problem. So smart-alecky."
"I'm sorry ma'am. I don't mean to sound smart- alecky, but I cannot help you because this is a private home. You need to call Target."
"Oh for pete's sake. We have always had our prescription filled with no problem. I don't know why you're giving me such a hard time. Maybe we'll just go elsewhere."
"Well ma'am, that's your choice then."
"You bet it's my choice. And it's my choice to write a letter to your president and complain about the service too. I don't think we'll be doing business with Target anymore."
"Okay ma'am. Well you have a nice day."
"Don't tell me to have a nice day. How can I have a nice day when I have to deal with idiots like you?"
"Ma'am...."
"Don't ma'am me." CLICK
And these people find their way across the country and to their winter residence each year? Oy.... I wrote down the prescription, called Target Pharmacy, explained the situation, and gave them the name and telephone number of the person who called. Hopefully they can get things straightened out, and hopefully these people can get their pills. I have a feeling they need em. I have a feeling we're gonna need some pills soon, too.
I'm still waiting for the State of Florida to start issuing snowbird licenses. Hopefully there will be no bag limit.
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